February was crazy!

February = busy.

My car was in the shop for almost two weeks, but I was able to drive around a brand new car while mine was in the shop. The water heater was on the fritz for five days, five long days. After the tears were shed about the water heater, Anna (my roommate) and I googled "How to lite a water heater" and prayed that we wouldn't blow the house up. Good news, we lived! It would stay lit for about half an hour at a time for two days before it just stopped working. I know it wasn't a huge deal but showering at other people's houses is crazy awkward. 

What else happened? I stained my leather couch (boo). Started a new huge project that will take the majority of my time for the next eight months and started looking for a new job (kind of). I can't believe how crazy busy 2014 has been. On paper it looks to be one trial after another,but at times, especially during the last month, I have felt very well taken care of.

I know I have been taken care of and yet sometimes I feel that I have hit a wall. Do I go right or should I go left? Should I stay at Tanner? Should I move? Should I go back to school? What should I be doing with my life? Am I serving my purpose in life... what is my purpose in life? You know all of those fun questions that everyone deals with at random points. 

Although I have a lot to figure out, I have been blessed in so many ways. A thank you letter from a new friend made my entire week. Lunch with an old friend has opened my mind up to endless possibilities that are before me. Texts on Sunday letting me know that I am missed from my home ward brighten my day and bring smiles while I am sitting by myself at the singles ward. I have be BEST friends in the world. So although I may be trying to figure things out, I'm not alone and have been buoyed up by those around me.

Bring on March...

34 Miles - Round Trip

Last November I started attending a Singles Branch. I felt like I needed to mix things up a little bit and attending a singles ward seemed like a great adventure. I know I needed to be there. I love my home ward but I wanted to s-t-r-e-t-c-h so I put my trust in the feelings that I needed to be there and moved my records to the singles ward.

I wish I could adequately explain how large my "branch" is. Typically there are 750-900 people at church every Sunday. They used to meet in Fort Union but due to the large amount of people attending they needed enough parking, so we meet up at the U of U. Yes, you heard me right at the U. Branch boundaries are from 6200 So to the Utah county line, from the mountains on the East to the mountains West. There are six relief societies, three elders quorums... be jealous.

Sacrament meeting looks like Stake Conference. The chapel and and gym stage are completely packed. There are people sitting in chairs on the stage and people sitting on the stage with their legs dangling -it's crazy! You have to be on time to get a seat. To top it off, the ward used to meet at 9:00 am. 800 people at church first thing in the morning... it was amazing. It's really easy to get lost in such a large ward because there are just so many people. You meet a new friend and it could be weeks/months before you see them again.

I have really struggled with my desire to drive 34 miles (round trip) to be at a singles ward where I don't know many people. Driving past at least 50 different wards on my way to church makes you wonder why I am driving to the other side of the valley to go to church. Yesterday was no exception. I got into the car and said a simple, pleading prayer while I was driving up to the U. The essence of the prayer was "help me get to church and know why I need to be in this ward."

Guess what the main sacrament meeting talk was about? Trusting the Lord. The guy who spoke shared  a really personal experience where he lost faith, trust and being angry with Heavenly Father. He said he had to make a conscience decision to put his trust in Heavenly Father. It was awesome, like he was speaking directly to me.I know I'm up at the U for a reason. I just need to stop grumbling about the 34 mile round trip and trust that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing.

The Power of a Word - One Little Word

In December my cousin, Allison, signed us up for a Ali Edwards "One Little Word". Allison is focusing on "Become". I was going to focus on "Balance" but it just didn't feel right. The process of selecting a word to focus on for the year has been an interesting journey in introspection. I know vulnerability is difficult; it's hard for me to open up my heart to others. I need to allow myself to be vulnerable... I'm working on this. 

A few years ago I had some experiences that really shook my trust and faith in Heavenly Father. Some of these experiences were products of my selfishness and others were just... well, I don't know what they were. I guess they were just trials that kicked my soul to the curb and left me skittish and bruised which resulted in a lack of trust in Heavenly Father. I have been working at restoring my faith, but I want to focus on trust... trusting God, trusting myself and trusting others. So my 2014 word of the year is:  


trust [truhst].

DEFINITION:

1.       Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.       Confident expectation of things; hope.

3.       A person on whom or thing on which one relies

4.       The condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

  
THESAURUS:

Confidence, Expectation, Faith, Hope, Assurance, Certainty, Certitude, Conviction, Credence, Dependence, Reliance, Sureness.

I CHOSE THIS WORD BECAUSE:

Over the past few years I feel as though I have lost trust in Heavenly Father and His plan for me. Does He have a plan for me and my life? I believe He does, but I don’t have any idea of what that plan entails. I KNOW certain things, but I lack TRUST in Heavenly Father - I know it doesn’t make any amount of sense but that is where I am. 

I also chose the word because I lack trust in myself and my ability to make good decisions. I date the wrong men. I love my job but I'm not sure that I want to stay there forever. I want to move forward and in order to do that I need to be vulnerable and trust that things will work out. So my word of the year is "Trust".

I'm not sure what this year will bring. I invite you to come along on my journey of learning to trust Heavenly Father, myself and others. Good things are in store this year - it's going to be amazing!